Too emotional, or just picking up the room?

I sometimes get sad in stores or at large events. I wrote that in my journal a few months ago, followed by: “Not sure why.”

That is still the most honest part of the entry. I know what I feel. I don’t always know what brought it on.

Am I picking up on the people around me? Is something in me being stirred up? Am I tired? I can reach for an explanation quickly, but I don’t have a clean way to separate all of that in the moment.

I use Human Design as one lens for understanding myself. I’m an emotional Manifestor with a 1/3 profile. I learn by trying things, getting them wrong, and seeing what holds up in my life. Giving my feelings time before I act is part of that practice.

Lately, I’ve been noticing how easily I get pulled into a rush, and what changes when I give myself more time.

What do I actually notice?

In the spring, I wrote about how consuming content was making me reactive. I was taking in more, feeling urgency, and making impulsive decisions. I had been trying to move at a pace that didn’t feel like mine.

Reducing that input was one thing I could try. It didn’t require me to decide whether I was too sensitive or empathetic, or to explain every feeling I had. I could pay attention to what happened when I took in less.

But the rush doesn’t always need someone else to start it.

On a walk this week, I caught myself trying to walk faster than my body could do gracefully. I was pushing even there. So I slowed down.

I had been trying to feel joy that evening. What I managed was something closer to neutral, which I called a big win in my journal. I know how easily small things can throw me off. A walk where I catch myself and ease up counts for something.

What changed on an ordinary evening?

A couple of nights ago, I wanted to get home and work. There was traffic, even though it was already late. Cars were moving slowly. The lights kept holding me up.

When I got home, I was hungry. I considered skipping food so I could get to work sooner, then decided to eat. After that, the dishwasher needed unloading. There were sheets in the washer that needed to go into the dryer.

These are the kinds of things that really get to me when I feel pressed for time. I want to do the thing I came home to do, and each small task feels like another thing in the way.

That evening I found myself saying, “It is gonna be what it’s gonna be.” I ate. I took care of the dishes and the laundry. I showered.

I still got a solid hour of work done and went to bed early. When I sat down to work, I wasn’t all anxious. That was the part I wanted to remember the next morning.

I also had a video I hadn’t recorded yet, and I was feeling the pressure of when I normally publish. But that date was one I had chosen. I could give myself another day. I was allowed to work with the time I had.

Do I need to know whose feeling it is first?

I don’t know why sadness sometimes shows up in a crowded store. I do know I was hungry when I got home, and that I nearly skipped dinner while feeling pressure to get work done.

Those are things I can work with.

If you recognize yourself in this, the question I’d offer is: what are you asking of yourself while all of this is happening? In my case, I was asking myself to get everything done as though traffic, food and laundry wouldn’t take any time.

I’m interested in understanding why I feel so much. But I also want to be able to eat dinner, deal with what needs doing, and enjoy the hour I have left.

That night, I did.